issue # 1.... anyone out there have advice on an extremely strong willed child? i'm in waaaaayyyy over my head. good books? discipline that actually worked without creating more hysteria in parent or child? encouragement? i'll take anything. help me.
issue # 2..... you know that your world is getting way too small when you are spending a substantial part of your day considering the problematic points of toy story II. i think i'll plan a girls night out.
chelsea kay's days
a stay at home mom trying to figure things out
About Me
- Name: chelsea
- Location: Ohio, United States
i'm a stay at home mom. i'm crazy about my little boys. in a past life i was an acting major. i love to read more than almost anything. if i could get a second degree it would be in art history. i love jesus somethin' awful. and i go to an amazing church who loves me well.
- sometimes emerson says these things that totally s...
- okay so we're back to square one. this week i fina...
- you got it zena. that's exactly what makes us cons...
- i feel like i should say something in honor of mar...
- sometimes i have these moments where i looks at my...
- not that it's a democracy... but we're leaning tow...
- i was just getting ready in the bathroom when emer...
- chris has been out of town for four days now. he's...
- saturday night my husband threw a birthday party f...
- today's cuteness:"emerson, you are getting so big,...
links
2 Comments:
Issue #1:
Our #2 child is strong willed. For what it's worth here's my advice:
a) pick your fights - not every potential fight is worth having but fight the important ones. Lying and outright defiance are important.
b) when you take a stand, don't give in - the more you do the more you invite fights; a strong willed child thinks, "the more I fight, the more I get my way." You don't want that.
c) give in to reason - when the kid actually makes a valid point that changes your opinion (this happens when they get older), give in. You want your child to think, "when I make a reasonable point, mom respects that." But don't get stuck in the trap of trying to reason with a child that's too young to reason.
d) spanking works - at least with my kids. But don't spank in anger, cool down if you have to. I believe that kids feel safer when they are spanked when they cross a line. They realize there are lines and someone is watching to be sure they don't cross them.
e) time-outs are an option - some kids respond quite well to a time-out.
f) Dobson's "Dare to Discipline" was the standard at one time. It's been so long since I read it I can't remember if I liked it or not.
g) include affection in the mix - all discipline and no affection is a bad thing but I bet you knew that already.
h) be consistent - if you start disciplining lying, keep doing it. The more consistent you are, they less you'll have to be.
i) remember you are the parent - so be the parent, i.e., you are the authority and you are to be respected. Of course, this does not exclude affection between you and your kids but if you don't keep the parental role it's hard to take back. You can be friends when they are adults.
j) when you are wrong, admit it and apologize - kids learn by example, so be one.
h) if things get out of control, get husband to help - if you feel the veins throbbing in your forehead and you think you're on the verge of murder, get your husband to take over. Hopefully, he hasn't got wrapped up in the spiral you just got stuck in and has a cooler head. I've ended wars between my wife and child in a few minutes because I was not caught up in the war.
k) pray consistently for your kids - God likes that.
l) discipline is for changing behavior, not for making you feel better - control yourself, focus on the goal of raising a child, not feeling better right now.
When I started this list, I only had 3 or 4 points.
Chelsea,
Mark\'s pointers are great. I\'d also consider intercessory prayer for your child. It\'s worked wonders for Chien. Really.
--John, listening to a Mariachi version of \'Hotel California\' in Spanish, in a bar, in China
Post a Comment
<< Home