sometimes emerson says these things that totally slay me. put me in my place. make me think that truly... he understands more than i do.

so lately i've been feeling overwhelmed by how messy and crumbling our house is. i have felt jealous of people buying homes when i'm still renting. i have felt that if we only had this room painted or this floor redone or better furniture or less junk.... etc.... then i would be happier. part of this is just end of pregnancy pressure and nesting instinct... yes, ... but part of it is just twisted.

yesterday- out of the blue- emerson says, "mommy, i just love our house so much." "why, honey?" i asked. he actually looked at me like i was crazy and replied, "because mommy, there is a family in it." i could have fallen to my knees in repentance right there. out of the mouth of babes... right?

it's like the time he told me i was always beautiful as long as he was around because he loved me.

he also asked me last week if jesus could fly without rocket boots and a cape... so maybe there are a few things that i have left to teach him.

he's been asking about God a lot lately... he can't figure how Jesus came back "a-yive" or where heaven is or how jesus dying has anything to do with our bad choices or how God and Jesus are the same and different.

i try to explain using the best four year old terminology possible... but at some point it's just too big even for me. so the other day i said... "honey, God is just so big and wonderful and complicated and interesting that we can't ever totally understand it." and his response... "is he bigger than daddy?" "much bigger." "okay, if you stacked our whole family up.... is he bigger than that?" sigh.... i could eat him with a spoon.

i can't wait till julian and i can have these kind of conversations. julian has been a special treat lately. i just feel bursting with love for him. he is so beautiful. we've been out at the park three times so far and he's already tanned and his hair is lightening. he's just beautiful to look at. plus we're really seeing his personality develop rapidly. (man, is he a pistol.) he's getting difficult to discipline and handle sometimes but its fun to see him understand and assert himself in a new way. he's becoming less baby-more boy. which is a relief since i'm having another baby in six weeks or so.

so... i think chris is coming back around to phoenix. something about seeing emma carlson did it to him. we're really leaning hard towards phoenix christopher kay. we'll see.....