okay. i'm at my wit's end. my son is driving me mad. every time i watch micah, the two of them have the hardest time getting along. it doesn't seem like emerson is necessarily jealous of me because he doesn't get upset when i'm playing with or holding micah. they just have a really hard time sharing (normal, i know) and they just seem particularly agitated with each other all the time. i pretty much feel uncomfortable taking my eyes off of them. the awful thing is that emerson will continuously provoke micah to get a rise out of him... (or me?). after a thousand disciplinary tactics in a three hour time span... i just feel like my anger level reaches dangerous levels. plus it's just infuriating to watch emerson repeatedly be unkind to another child. it's incredibly disillusioning to watch you child be the bully. what can i do? i just keep thinking... "man... if he was in a day care center... they'd all hate him. he'd be the kid they would always have to talk to me about when i picked him up and they'd all think i never disciplined him at home. he'd be the one they thought was 'aggresive' and 'a trouble maker'." i mean i know my kids not perfect... but... gees.

mark and i are talking about whether i should keep watching micah... in normal play dates emerson gets along fine with kids. even at micah's house he treats micah very nicely. but i'm thinking the fighting might just be due to micah being here so often. like maybe it's just too much for emerson and he sort of takes it out on him.when it's just me and him... he's great. or when someone's just over for a playdate. he's fine. i love him so much but i just can't stand to see him act like this!!!

the thing is that micah never wants to leave and they're always excited to see each other in other contexts. ... and they got along splendidly the first several months. i just feel so baffled.

maybe emerson get's less attention when micah and zoe are here so he is trying to get negative attention by acting out. but it's not toward zoe... only micah. (zoe is only here one day a week.)maybe emerson feels territorial because he has to share his toys with micah so often. maybe micah and emerson are just incompatible. maybe emerson just thinks it's fun to get a rise out of micah. maybe emerson is just a mean kid!?? maybe i just stink at discipline. maybe i'm no good at watching three kids at one time. maybe this is just what they call terrible twos. but the rest of the time he's so obedient (for a two year old) and easy to get along with. ???

anyway... i'm starting to think it'd just be better, safer if i didn't watch micah so much. i don't want to just totally lose it on emerson. but is that somehow not dealing with the issue? and i also don't want to abandon mark and micah... sigh....

i'm totally at a loss. suggestions?