so we had our ultrasound today and everything is beautiful. we got to peak inside and see this tiny indecipherable little creature and right in the center of it's cloudy figure was a sesame seed sized heart pumping away. tears rolled down my face and i couldn't even talk except to say "thank you" to my midwife who is so incredibly compassionate. she pointed out other things that signified a healthy pregnancy... but mostly she explained how just the presence of a heartbeat is incredibly positive. she explained how amazingly complicated it is to form a heart and then to electrically start it beating... it made me wonder at the fact that my body is fostering this whole process.

i remember holding emerson after he was born and just staring at him and thinking... "how could anything so perfect come from me."

i'm so aware of my imperfections, of my brokeness, of my darkness... that it just seems unfathomable that something so precious could come from me.

similarly, i feel that i am so mediocre, so nominally talented, so averagely intelligent that it doesn't follow that my body can make a heart. :)

i guess that's where psalm 139 comes in.


emerson is experimenting with the fact that i have a name other than mommy. every few minutes he lifts his head up from his pillow and says... "mommychelsea do?" (translation: what's mommy chelsea doing?) or he'll pretend to make a phone call and i hear him saying "hi daddy chris!".